A Dominatrix is meant to be in your life to help you grow and learn to be a better person, lover, submissive, listener, restore your senses and many other things. I’ve been here offering kink that I really believe in for over a decade. It’s you that needs to tell yourself that you are ready to gain some experience points with me, consent to the screening process and show me how you follow directions and communicate. This helps me gauge whether or not we will get along. I know I’m awesome and terrifying, but withholding info from Me doesn’t help me understand you. I’ve been out as a weird kinkster for a long time, I will not judge you based on your fantasies, or give out your information.
Basic Details Checklist:
- Address Me as Contessa, Goddess or Queen
- Send the Info I’ve Requested (I shouldn’t have to chase or drag you, and I won’t).
- Wait 48 hrs before assuming it’s lost (be careful of creating false narratives with your anxieties)
- Spellcheck but also PROOFREAD. (I’m certain you aren’t into canning, and is that strap-on or strap on?)
- Don’t embarass yourself by asking for sexual favours, free services, 24/7 anything
- Don’t underestimate the value of my time, emotional labour, and effort.
- You are expected to discuss + disclose boundaries as I ask for them for your safety.
- Do not expect immediacy in the response or arranged meeting times.
- Email is not chat, use full sentences and words.
Twitter: Want to be all chatty on my social media? Email me, buy my videos, book online time with me. Address Me as Contessa. Support + Retweet my Work. Otherwise talking at me and looking for attention is lame and will not be rewarded. If you’ve been a dingus on there and wish to be unblocked there’s a fee for that too, but I recommend sending an email with a regular slave application done properly to show me you can follow directions and boundaries.
Fetlife: I’m hardly on there, but if you have female identified sexworker friends on there with established brands that I would work well with, get them to drop me a line. Likewise connect me with female/ femme makers. Invite me to neat kinky events, otherwise leave it be.
Instagram: Is my #sexworkisrealwork style regular person account, not for begging, negotiating, kinky chat or pervy DM. All comments should be tastefully made, reserving the more direct business or kinky activity references for Twitter. If you don’t have a post or profile photos I’ll probably block you. If you later expand on that account, putting forward a real person account with posted (non pirated) content and wish to be unblocked there, email me and expect a fee.
___________Further Advice/ Guidance:_____________
(Here you’ll find awesome advice based on the biggest misunderstandings +hang-ups I see. Use it wisely.)
Expectations and Fantasies can get in the way of the calm/ chill negotiations that I need to create a badass fantasy scene that is secretly safe and clean and hacked so as to hurt or tantalize but not harm. You can be seeking heavy or high risk play, and long-time players know a first meeting does not always rocket us into headspace and bliss, and the importance of pre-scene negotiating (it can’t happen properly with altered states). You might want to overestimate your ability based on symbolic milestones or steps that you’d like to achieve, but that doesn’t change the work it will take to get a fist in your ass without tearing you, or to have built the right safety plans for traversing into heavy humiliation or breathplay territory. I know I’m awesome, and strong and terrifying and there are so many exciting things I can do for you. Remember it’s about what you can do for Me as well, if not first (boundaries aside). A Dominatrix is meant to be in your life, to correct your impatience, ground you, teach you to cool your jets, appreciate the gifts and lessons given, set more reasonable goals and experience the gift that is your body through the eyes and skills of a multi-sensory freak. I don’t jump into fantasy role as a response to your application. I’m not looking for any live-in slaves or to give away 24/7’s worth of attention and private time. I don’t need a sex slave, toilet slave, cleaning slave or adopted sissy daughter.
Don’t Overestimate your Ability aka “Anything Goddess”: You may think you are able to kneel for 10 hours, go without eating, be depleted… you may want to be “destroyed” or have me “do anything to you”, and those are based on what you think I am capable of.. know I am capable of more, a real sadist but also a R.A.C.K Risk Aware Consensual Kink person and don’t go from 0- 100 with a new person ever. It’s not new to me for someone to request a beatdown but forget punches hurt, to request hard scissoring but not even know that they might panic with the feeling. That’s one of the reasons why I like to have a few activities to play with in a scene in case one thing leads us to a wall: ways we can keep on playing.
Things like “destroy me” “break my neck” can be worked into a scene as fantasy but aren’t going to happen in reality, those kinds of phrases do not belong in the back and forth until I ask you about verbalizations/ verbal humil in our discussion- I will ask! I get that you just want to be at my feet, my human seat, dehumanized, in subspace ideally, experiencing my percussion skills, strong legs or scents and theoretically you wish it could just go on forever from just one email. Forever is not an option, but do save that awesome fantasy flattery and begging for the play. 🙂
Impatience, Anxiety + Feels playing tricks on you? Show me you can be obedient and follow directions, be patient and save all of your thoughts in a draft for when we hit those subjects. Know I book in advance and don’t make the time if it’s not the best time, because the best time brings the best experience. Sometimes things feel very urgent for you, and our bodies can feel the physical effects of stress in strong ways. If you find yourself reaching panic levels, DO NOT THROW ME THIS BALL. Feeling loss of control, worry over the unknown or feelings of unresolved discussion can sabotage your ability to respect my space and time. Sleep on those thoughts. Channel it into something productive and active.
Multiple emails sent for attention or begging for free/ immediate emotional labour in various ways are an enormous turnoff for me (no matter what voice they are written in). “It’s been 3 hours WTF *cancel transfer*” <– Reads like wishy washy jerk off bullshit. Don’t do it!
Free Slave Tasks for the Impatient (choose as many as you’d like):Sit on your hands. Tie up your balls. Do 100 pushups. Stretch your legs and hips. Get up and walk away from the computer. Hydrate. Save a Draft. Go for a Walk. Lift Weights. Put yourself in chastity. Take on a physical task. Fix something in your house. Clean your desk. Do a good deed for someone else. Read up on your kinks. Try not to spend money, but if you have to, check out my wishlist haha.
Do Your Homework: Read about me, do I offer what you are after? Are you hoping to grow beyond my boundaries? Do I specialize in something that really works for you? Do you have kernel kink’s or important inclusions in your play that I don’t offer? Take the time.. and I will too. ** Contessa Zoe Aspasia